Ass head

By Benoit Demortier | French | Colombia | Bogota | March 2, 2020

I am in the toilets of a museum. I understand after pooping that there is no paper... Nowhere and there is nobody. I want to send a message to my friend who are visiting the museum, there is no network. I use the copy of my ID to clean myself. I used my own face to clean my ass. TFP.

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Deadly word game

By Antoine Demortier | French | Guinea | Kouroussa | February 9, 2020

I need to do something with a local man. This man said to me: "My father is tired". I tell him to let his father rest, it doesn't matter, it's with him that I want to do something ... I insist, he insists, finally, he accepts sadly. He leaves. A witness to the scene tell me that this is not good what I am doing. After an another discussion, I understand that his father is dying ... "Tired" in this country means dying. TFP

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Welcome gift

By Benoit Demortier | French | Brisbane | Australia | January 15, 2020

I'm at Brisbane Airport! Paris - Dubai, Dubai - Singapore, Singapore - Brisbane. Finally, I arrive in Australia, after 36 hours of journey, 22 hours of flight and 14 hours of stopover. The customs officer controls me. He opens my bag, we both notice that my shower gel exploded during the trip, transforming my bag into a poolparty. I spend my first hours in oz washing all my things... welcome to Australia!

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Multiple Flop

By Antoine Demortier | French | Kuala Lumpur | Malaysia | January 15, 2020

I call my sister who travel all around the world. "I can join you in Myanmar!". Answer: "Ok cool, do you have your visa? It's a month away." First flop ... Too late to do it in France, I decide to do it on arrival as I have seen it sometimes. I get off during my stopover in Kuala Lumpur. I go to the Myanmar embassy in this city. Surprise! Hundreds of people in a concrete courtyard surrounded by a wall embellished with barbed wire. To accentuate this crazy vision, guys who break stones in the middle, a real penitentiary in the far west! New flop, nothing is written in English, I wander in this bizarre embassy. Finally a man understands me a little. He sends me to a travel agency at the other end of town. For a few tens of euros my visa will be ready the next day. Flop again, my bank card sends a confirmation code to my local N-C numbers. I find a solution... I call my mom, best joker ever, I pay my visa and take a new ticket of plane to continue my journey. My sister, not sure if I arrived or not, started her trip to Myanmar. When I arrive, she is not here anymore ?. I'll try to find her, but that's another story, or a TFP ?.

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Coronavirus, fuck you!

By Gringo | French | France | Grand Massif | March 15, 2020

I booked my winter holidays for skiing, I bought my stuff, I did 8h of driving to arrive late on Saturday and I hear from news that every ski station has to close from Sunday... Fuck coronavirus. TFP

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Thank you topographer

By Antoine Demortier | French | Zugarramurdi | Spain | January 15, 2020

In the Spanish Pyrenees, I hike, darkness falls. In order not to be dazzled, I use a red lamp to look at my card. I take a shortcut on the map. After a while I find myself facing a huge climb! You cannot see the contour lines of a map in red light. These damn lines are red. TFP

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The city center or the campus?

By Polo | French | Ireland | Dublin | March 15, 2020

I have the opportunity to go to Dublin as an Erasmus student. In France, I used to live in the suburb very far from the city center and thus far from the many student parties. So when my new Irish university offers me a room in the campus very far from the city center, I refuse. When I arrive in Dublin, I take an expansive flat downtown... but all friends that I meet, live on the campus with all the others students and they party there... TFP

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“The swedish are all nice!”

By Camille | French | Sweden | Linkoping | March 17, 2020

At the end of a rave party in Sweden, I went back with my friends by bike when on the road we stopped in a macdo to eat. Believing that Sweden was a very safe country and maybe still because of alcohol we left our bikes right in the middle of the bike path... Oddly coming back the bikes were no longer there... We came back on foot...TFP

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Love before everything

By Anonymous | French | Colombia | Cartagena | March 19, 2020

I meet an Australian girl, we pass 3 days together. The last night, we kiss, we want to finish the night together, the tomorrow, she leaves the country. But we sleep in a dormitory and not in the same youth hostel. it's 4am. We ask 3 hotels, all the receptionists refuse. After the last refusal, we kiss in the street, into the wall, obscured by a tree and... we make love! Great moment until... the arrival of the Colombians cops. I propose them a bribe. They refuse. Fine of 100€: el ciudadano se sorprende teniendo acto sexual en via pΓΊblica con la seΓ±orita... TFP!

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Too far in the night

By Pedrolinho | French | Colombia | BogotΓ‘ | March 13, 2020

Big party in BogotΓ‘. I am not only drunk but I am also well charged (cocaine), I see a girl and decide to go back with her to my flat. Inside, we drink more and we take more cocaine. We pass a wonderful night! When I wake up few hours laters, I smell something really bad ... I open up my eyes and I see that she left some little shitty presents all over my place .. DISGUSTING! TFP

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Tinder, but who is Pham?

By Lorgi | French | Vietnam | Saigon | March 7, 2020

Tinder, such a nice place to discover the most beautiful girl in Vietnam. I crush with Pham, beautiful pictures! I meet her in a bar, when I arrive, I realize that Pham is a trans with a loud voice... Such a nice and interesting date ahah. TFP

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Always ask nationality first…

By Simon | French | Spain | Barcelone | March 18, 2020

I am in a nightclub, a little drunk, in Barcelona. The perfect place to practice my English and meet people. I find a pretty partner to discuss, I pay her a drink and after 10 minutes I ask her his nationality. She is French too and... she decides to stop speaking with me, she leaves TFP

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Patience is a virtue

By Benoit Demortier | French | Australia | Adelaide | March 7, 2020

I loaned 400$ to someone that I have met in Australia who was in difficulty. We have travelled 2 weeks together. I am waiting my money. It was in April 2014. TFP

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Very bad trip

By Romy | French | USA | Fort Lauderdale | March 3, 2020

On my way to Managua in Nicaragua, I got arrested and locked in a room at the US borders for a problem with my Esta. They kept me in for 21 hours with only water and cereal bars to eat. The next day they sent me back to France after a 9h stopover in Oslo. So I travelled from Friday morning to Sunday night for... Nothing.

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Triple fines!

By John | Russian | Australia | Melbourne | March 27, 2020

Melbourne in the night. I was drunk but not too much. I was walked on the street with my bootle of whisky without the paper bag (In Australia, it's forbidden). Police caught me and they gave me 3 fines! For "Alcohol advertising", "Alcohol consumption on the public highway" and "Drunkenness on the public highway". As says N.W.A: FUCK THA POLICE! TFP

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Big mouth, small cock

By Sam | French | USA | Miami | March 13, 2020

Miami with my girlfriend, I play the guy who knows the city (while not at all), I suggest her discovering places where tourists never go. We find ourselves in the ghetto, a sudden rain falls, we seek shelter under a bus stop surrounded by gang members: they come to harass us by asking us full of questions: "who fucking are you?". Finally, nothing happened, I learn later that my white t-shirt saved us because it means that you do not belong to any gang.    

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Invest to lose better

By Benoit Demortier | French | Australia | Robinvale | March 2, 2020

Melbourne, I buy a car Ford Falcon V6 : 1 200$. One month later, the gearbox is dead, the price of the reparation ? 1 200$. TFP

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An greedy ant

By Benoit Demortier | French | Australia | Berri | March 13, 2020

Berri. I am in front of the lake. Everything is peaceful. ARGH! A fucking red ant has bite my dick! TFP

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The Indonesian honesty

By Benoit Demortier | French | Indonesia | Denpasar | March 3, 2020

I get out form the airport. I ask a taximan to find me a hostel near the nightclub area, after 35 minutes of driving, he drop me in front of a beautiful hostel. And he asks me 25 dollars for the ride. I pay. 5 minutes later, I ask the receptionist: How long by car is the airport? 10 minutes. And what's is the price to go there? 4 dollars... ? TFP

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No working ATM

By François Debain | French | Iran | Teheran | March 13, 2020

I went to Iran from Armenia by bus in 2013 with a few US dollars and my Visa debit card in my pocket. It's only when I was in Teheran that I realized the western banking system wasn't working in the country! TFP

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Bomber pigeon

By Benoit Demortier | French | Argentina | San Juan | March 2, 2020

Standing in line at the cash machine. Receiving the poop from a pigeon on the head. Hearing all laughter from residents. TFP

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Brittle feet

By Benoit Demortier | French | Indonesia | Gili Island | March 7, 2020

I want to go around the island. The weather is good, I decide to walk without shoes. After one hour, other side of the island, the ground is fucking HOT and there is no shadow anymore. Each step is painful. I am waiting in a small shadow area, looking for a solution. I see a local man, I ask him to buy his flip-flop, he refuses, I increase the price, he accepts for 10€! for sure, it's his daily wages, great for him TFP!

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The sky is a joker

By Benoit Demortier | French | Australia | South Australia | March 7, 2020

I am on the road in South Australia, I live in my car. It starts to rain. I take my shower with the rain. Suddenly, the rain stops. all my body is covered by shower gel! TFP

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Who has photocoped

By Cassou | French | Slovenia | Ljubljana | March 9, 2020

Everything was planned and already paid. But we were stuck in Ljubljana because we forgot our driving licence in the copy machine. TFP.

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French credit card suck

By Melissa | French | Nepal | Katmandou | March 19, 2020

Arrived in Nepal, no cash money. I took a taxi to go directly to my hotel. The address are tricky and if you are not local it is very tough to know where you are going. I told the taxi man I add to withdraw some money to pay him. BUT... you never know how an ATM looks like in country. And here in Nepal... wow... 5 ATM in a room, 1 working. My french credit card didn't work. I had warn my bank but no money coming out of the ATM... here with no money, I'am fucked. TFP

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